I don’t know about you. But as a busy mom, there are days that I just try to make it through because that is literally all I can do. Forget about seizing the day and living each day to the fullest. I’m just worried about making it through the day with no stains on my shirt, making it to nap time so I can nap myself, and surviving a toddler temper tantrum (or two or three.)
Yet, it is important and worth it to improve yourself as a person which in turn will improve you as a mom. It’s not selfish and it will benefit your family. But it doesn’t mean it will be easy.
6 Steps to Being Your Best, Most Fabulous Self
Step 1: Accept Your Flaws
This is just hard in general. It doesn’t matter who you are, it’s just hard. Then throw in being a mom into the mix and it gets ten times harder. Because as a mom, I feel we are naturally harder on ourselves. Your body has completely changed (in ways I didn’t know was actually possible) and you are now responsible for a human being (as wonderful as that is, it is also so much responsibility and scary.)
There are so many things that can be perceived as a flaw. A physical flaw. Either an actual abnormality or something we see as flawed but no one does. Or there are those flaws that others think are a flaw but we don’t see. I’ll give you an example of both.
For me, now and even in my pre-mom life, I have never liked my midsection. There is nothing inherently wrong with it. And honestly, I don’t think anyone has noticed, now or ever. In my pre-mom life, my midsection was all but flat, which I never saw.
Now that I have had a baby, I get it now because my mid-section now is flabbier and had stretch marks around my belly button. But even with those apparent “flaws,” it is really not that bad. I’m still working on accepting it. (It is an ebb and flow process.)
Now it might seem weird, that someone else would see a flaw, but you yourself wouldn’t see it. But sometimes people see a flaw, but the person with the supposed “flaw” doesn’t think it is a flaw.
I have naturally red cheeks. Which is great in the winter because it gives me extra color. But in the summer heat, my cheeks are so red always that I look either like I’m in a constant state of embarrassment or they are just more noticeable.
When I worked as a cashier at a grocery store in the summer, I used to get asked by a constant stream of people what was wrong with my cheeks. I don’t even notice they are red, so when someone points them out, I’m caught off-guard. But I don’t consider them a flaw.
Or maybe you have an emotional flaw. Or maybe you aren’t talented at something that you wish you were and you consider that a flaw.
So, with your flaws, if you don’t see it as one because you have already accepted it, but someone else does, don’t let them change your mind. Don’t focus on what is wrong with you, but rather focus on thinking of a way that you can accept that flaw. Also, work on channeling your energy on what you can improve.
Step 2: Love Yourself
This step and the last step go hand in hand. It is hard to love yourself if you haven’t accepted your flaws. But love yourself you must. So that you can love others and you can teach your precious darlings (AKA your kids) how to love themselves as well. Obviously, this step is not a one and done deal. It is a continual process. As is the case with the majority of these steps.
I know it sounds like a cliche, but you’ll find when you are trying to love yourself more, you feel happier and more confident. Excellent qualities to have in life.
Step 3: Control Your Thoughts
It is said that we are our own worst critic. Oh, how that is true. Work on tuning that inner critic out. Or if you give it a voice, to not let it get to you.
Something that helps me is to say positive affirmations to myself in the mirror every morning. This also helps with loving yourself as well. Things like; I am beautiful, I am strong, I am (fill in whatever talent that you have, such as I am a good listener.)
It feels weird talking to yourself in the mirror, especially if you don’t believe the affirmation. But over time it feels more comfortable and true.
Step 4: Discover Your Passion
What lights a fire in your belly?
Maybe it is something you did pre-kids but got so caught up in everything you forgot to have your passion. Or maybe you never figured out what it is.
So, now is the time to find or rediscover your passion. It’s cool if you have more than one. Give yourself permission to do something solely for you.
Step 5: Ignore the Haters
No matter what you are doing in your life.
Or how you are living your life.
Or how you are raising your kids.
Or whatever the scenario may be, there will always be people that don’t understand and will criticize you. Ignore them.
You are your own person living your own life. So, you deserve and get to live it your own way.
I know it is super hard when it happens to be family members that aren’t believing in you and cheering you on. But you got to live according to you and your wishes for yourself and your family.
Step 6: Work at Your Dreams
You might be wondering why this step is titled work at your dreams instead of following your dreams. Although follow your dreams is a great phrase and something everyone should pursue, it sounds a bit nebulous. Like it is going to suddenly appear like magic.
But work at your dreams, although it takes out the fantasy about dreams, it is more accurate. If you want to achieve your dreams, you have to work for it and fight tooth and nail. Your dream isn’t going to materialize out of thin air and no one else will do it for you.
Now, this isn’t meant to deter you from your dreams. You are entirely capable of pursuing your dreams and making them happen, no matter the obstacles you face.
I have many dreams. I am actively working on making them a reality. Because I believe in my abilities and because I have seen others achieve it as well. But work they are.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t capable to make your dream come true.
It doesn’t matter what your dream is if you are determined, persistent, have some of that fiery passion from step 6, silence your inner critic from step 3 and ignore every hater (even, maybe especially, if they are related to you) from step 4 you will make your dream(s) come true.